


to fathom the depths of a soul

by tangerine_skye



Category: Deltora Quest - Emily Rodda, デルトラクエスト | Deltora Quest (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, dain is good now because i say so, i love my two sons very much, please someone save dain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangerine_skye/pseuds/tangerine_skye
Summary: Dain’s eyes are like the pit of a well, like the whirlpool beneath a waterfall, the expanse of the ocean. Lief feels as though he is falling, drowning in their depths. When Dain touches his arm, it grounds him again and he resurfaces, as though it has inflicted on him a shuddering breath forced into drowned lungs.(canon divergent/alternate canon, based mostly on the books. Dain betrays the Shadow Lord and is revealed as an Ol earlier in the series. Lief banishes Dain, but is then captured alongside him, forcing them to work together and rebuild trust.)
Relationships: Dain/Lief (Deltora Quest)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	to fathom the depths of a soul

Dain is an enigma.

He is quiet and timid, yet brave and strong. His eyes shine, determined, yet his body shudders as though it is unable to contain a fear which encircles him. There is something strange about him, a question that trembles, an aura of uncertainty.

Lief notices it from the first moment they meet. Dain provides them with every reason to trust him, but Lief watches him out of the corner of his eye. He attempts to quieten his own mistrust with gentle reassurances and although this seems to somewhat settle the unease, the questions remain, hovering at the edges of his mind as though just waiting for something they can sink their teeth into.

Lief notices something else too. He notices the way Dain’s hair falls over his face, the way he brushes it to the side so that it stops just short of the bridge of his nose. He notices the way Dain’s mouth curves in a gentle smile, his incisors peeking out from behind curled lips. He notices the number of freckles that span across Dain’s skin, the way he fidgets with the hem of his shirt when he is nervous, the way Dain watches him when he thinks nobody is looking.

They sit around the fire one night, after the others have gone to sleep. Lief can hear the soft sounds of Barda’s snores as the fire flicks embers into the air, a flash in the darkness. Dain sits beside him, legs tucked neatly against his chest. The fire illuminates his face in a stark contrast of light and shadow, settling warmly in his irises.

“Do you ever feel like you’re drowning?” Dain asks suddenly. His words are soft, but in the still air, they seem impossibly loud. Lief looks at him, though Dain does not meet his gaze, still fixated on the fire that leaps and twirls before him.

“What do you mean?” Lief replies.

Dain blinks and shakes his head. His hair flops over his eyes, shielding them from view.

“Nothing. I don’t mean anything.”

They fall back into silence, but Lief is unsettled. He shifts in his position, stretching his legs out.

“Sometimes I feel like the whole world is just waiting for me to fail,” he says, “And sometimes that feels like drowning.”

Dain looks at him then. His mouth curves, just slightly, but the shadow of the night obscures the motion. He reaches out a hesitant hand that wavers in indecision before touching lightly against Lief’s arm. It settles there, a solid and comforting warmth.

Lief feels his face grow hot and blames it on the heat of the fire. He swallows and covers Dain’s hand with his own, a silent, thankful gesture.

This time, more noticeably, Dain’s smile widens.

It is Jasmine who voices the suspicion first, a whisper slipped between them that Lief ignores with a nervous laugh. Dain is safe, he is good. He has saved them from certain death with the Ols, he helped them escape from the Resistance prison. This is what Lief tells himself, the words he repeats to chase away the sense of unease.

Barda solidifies the suspicion a short while later when they find their way to Tora. Dain is sickly and pale, perhaps justified by the shock of discovering Tora has been deserted, but then after they help him away from Tora, past the barrier, Barda pulls Lief aside and mentions he noticed a mark on Dain’s ear. It is a small thing, almost unnoticeable, but as he had been carrying Dain, it had revealed itself to him.

Lief confirms it when he confronts Dain and watches as the boy pales when the belt presses against his skin, the way his face writhes with pain.

Lief does not kill him though; he steps back as Dain stumbles away. His face is contorted, as though the pain affects his ability to maintain his form, an animalistic hissing sound issuing through his teeth.

“I will not hurt you,” Dain spits. His eyes are black, swallowing the colour of his irises within dark depths. Lief wonders if this creature has a soul.

“You lied to us,” Lief says.

“I did but now – it is different! I will not hurt you, or anyone. I want to-”

“Get out!” Lief shouts suddenly, his sword thrust before him. He feels his arm tremble, and there is a buzzing in his head, a furious roar that threatens to overwhelm him. Hot tears prick at the corner of his eyes, the anger of betrayal.

Dain – _the Ol_ \- hesitates, and there is something that flashes across his expression for a moment. Fear perhaps, or fury, it is difficult to tell in the darkness with just the light of the moon to guide his vision. He steps forward, his hands raised.

“I will kill you,” Lief says.

He speaks low and soft, danger laced in his words. Barda and Jasmine have stepped back, although he can still feel their presence behind him. They know that this battle is for Lief alone. 

“It is not what you think,” the Ol replies. There is a tremor in his voice, a catch in his throat. His form trembles too, a slip of concentration perhaps, overwhelmed with desperation. Lief, however, knows better than to be persuaded so easily.

“Leave now,” he growls, “And if I ever see your face again, I will kill you.”

The Ol swallows and blinks. His eyes are so large, so earnest. Lief feels himself fall, he wants to reach out, he wants to comfort his friend, but he knows he cannot. His friend is dead, his friend never existed. He aches for it anyway. In a strange, simple way, he almost wishes that he just never knew the truth.

Sometimes ignorance is far more palatable.

Pain and grief radiates from every inch of Lief’s skin, pouring out of him in a brilliant, blinding rage. It burns his skin and chokes his lungs. He feels as though he is drowning again, but this time he drowns in fury. It drags him below with wicked teeth and sharp claws and it holds him down, overwhelming him completely.

The Ol must sense this, because he takes a final look at Lief and then turns, his form transforming into a small creature that scampers away, swallowed by the darkness of the forest.

The space Dain – _the Ol_ – leaves behind, is like an empty well. It had been full once, something that thrived with a source of life, but now sits drained and barren. Lief notices it more than he would like. So Lief busies himself with continuing their quest towards the Valley of the Lost, a distraction from the uncertainty that now plagues him, and the mournful betrayal that simmers just below the surface.

Something strange begins to happen during their sombre journey. It seems that luck has found its way to them, a payment in return for the devastation caused. Small hints are whispered to them, directions to safety outlined in sticks and mud, and traps that lie in wait are disarmed before they arrive. It is as though they have been gifted a protector of a kind. Jasmine is suspicious, but her suspicion wanes when the truth of the Guardian is revealed to them before they enter his lair by a bird that warbles a mournful tune. She tells them that the bird was a messenger from another, a spirit of the forest. What this spirit is, the bird cannot say, but Lief remains apprehensive.

The morning that follows the retrieval of the diamond, Lief wakes just before dawn. There is a pale hue to the sky, a muddied yellow indicating that the sun is yet to stretch across the horizon. As he wakes, he notices a movement beside his left shoulder – a large rat. Many animals have returned to the valley since its restoration, so it should not be so strange yet still, Lief feels a sense of unease settle in the twist of his stomach. There is something odd about this creature, something human about the way it sits on its hind paws and observes the party, tilting its head in consideration. The rat flicks its ears and its whiskers twitch. Perhaps this is the spirit of the forest Lief thinks, a small and humble creature who can easily hide in the shadows and observe.

The rat shakes its head and scurries away. As soon as it is far enough, Lief carefully gets to his feet and goes to follow it.

Lief is quiet as he passes through the forest. The forest has rediscovered its beauty, the trees are strong and tall without the evil mist to choke them, and bird song trills from the branches above. It is a breath of life amidst such a dark time. 

The rat stops by a small clearing and looks around for a moment. Lief peeks out from behind a tree, fingers tensely gripping the rough bark. He notices the form flicker in the light, as though it is unsure of itself and he feels a sense of dread curl cold fingers around his heart. He has seen this before. This is no spirit.

The figure of the rat trembles and lurches and then it elongates and becomes someone more recognisable – Dain. The Ol sits down on a nearby tree stump and exhales. He looks pale and tired, hunched over in the dull morning light.

Lief feels dizzy suddenly, a wave of nausea chasing the anger that follows. An explosion of thought tumbles through his mind, so loud and tangled that it cannot be individually picked apart so instead, it converges into a singular hum of rage. Lief steps forward into the clearing.

“I told you I would kill you!” Lief shouts, his sword raised. The Ol starts, eyes blown wide in shock.

“Lief! I didn’t – I don’t-”

“You’ve been following us, _Dain_ ,” Lief sneers, eyes narrowed.

The Ol clasps his hands together in front of him.

“You don’t understand, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Why do you think I would believe your lies?”

“Please just listen to me-”

“What was your plan, Ol? You wanted to lure us into a trap, weaken our defences and then what? Kill us? Take us to the Shadow Lord?”

“No, that’s not it, I-”

The Ol stops, mid-sentence. He looks momentarily confused and then Lief hears a noise behind him. Something touches Lief’s arm, and there is a sharp pain near his shoulder. The last thing Lief sees is the wide eyes of the Ol before he succumbs to darkness.

When Lief wakes, the earth is moving beneath him. As his mind focuses and consciousness banishes the haze that clouds his head, he realises that he is on a moving cart. The sun is hot and burns his skin as he blinks and looks around him.

The first thing he notices is that there is a slight, comforting weight that settles around his stomach – the Belt of Deltora is safe. He goes to move and realises that both his hands and feet have been tied with rope. There is a bundle of arms and legs beside him where the Ol is curled up against some animal skins. He seems to be unconscious still, knees knocking together with the movement of the cart.

Lief lifts his head slightly, just enough to peer at their captors. Two Grey Guards sit in the front of the cart as it trundles across the uneven stones of the road. They talk loudly, unaware that one of their captives has woken.

“Can you believe our luck?”

“I told you we should search the forest.”

One of the guards laughs, a harsh, rasping sound.

“We will be rewarded well for these two.”

“I know the master has plans for the traitor Ol. He will wish we had killed him in the forest.”

_Traitor_ , Lief thinks, _what are they talking about?_ The Ol stirs beside his feet and opens his eyes, blinking sluggishly. As he sees Lief bound beside him, the Ol inhales a stuttering breath and scrambles to sit upright. The movement unbalances him, and he teeters over, falling back with a solid thud. The guards turn to look behind.

“Looks like our prisoners are awake Bak 4.”

The Ol’s figure shudders and his eyes squeeze tight, repressing pain.

Bak 4 grins, his teeth needle-sharp.

“You can’t try your tricks on us Ol, we injected you with something new that was made for your kind. You’ll be stuck in that form for a few days at least.”

He laughs and turns back around, clearly pleased with himself.

The Ol sends a distraught look to Lief. He looks so scared, so helpless, that Lief must remind himself that this is just one form of many, a form curated to perfect the timid appearance.

“What do we do?” the Ol hisses.

Lief ignores him, choosing instead to divert his gaze to the many items that have been placed in the cart, hoping to find something more helpful.

“Lief,” the Ol pleads, “we need to do something.”

Lief whirls around to face him.

“Scared now that you can’t use your tricks?”

The Ol flinches and looks away.

“Yes,” he says quietly

Lief is unsure of how to respond to the honesty, and instead busies himself with looking around the cart again. He finds a nail sticking out from one of the wooden planks. It is sharp, it will do.

He shuffles over and begins to rub the rope back and forth over the tip of the nail, wincing as it nicks his skin. After a few minutes of this, the rope frays and loosens and his hands slip from their confines. He unties the rope around his feet with his fingers and then looks back at the Ol, who has been watching his movement in silence.

Lief’s fingers twitch, eager to escape. Frustration builds inside his chest, storm clouds converging on his mind. He wishes he could just leave the Ol here in the cart and be done with all of this, but there is something that stops him.

“They called you a traitor before, why?” he asks. The Ol’s mouth pulls into a thin line.

“I have been trying to tell you,” he says slowly, “I do not work for them any longer.”

“Why,” Lief blurts out.

The Ol sighs. He looks tired, dark circles pressed into the skin beneath his eyes. Lief wonders if this is a deliberate choice for this form.

“It is difficult to explain.”

“Try.”

The Ol glances towards the guards who are caught up in their own conversation, voices low.

“While I was travelling with you, I realised I was feeling something I had never felt before.”

“What?” Lief asks.

“Hope.”

It is Dain’s eyes that look at him then, open, and honest. Lief’s heart stutters briefly before resuming its rhythm. He forgets, for a moment, that this is not the friend he knew.

“I don’t know how to trust you again Dain,” he says, voice low, “But I will release you.”

The slip of the name goes unnoticed by Lief, but the Ol does not miss it, ducking his head to hide a smile as Lief unties his bonds. As soon as the Ol is free, one of his hands grabs at Lief, encircling his wrist. Lief starts, his heart leaping. He feels a stab of fear, a sudden certainty that he has made a mistake, that the Ol will kill him and deliver him to the Shadow Lord after all.

“Thank you,” the Ol says. He seems sincere, and Lief’s pulse slows. He wishes, with all his heart, that he could trust the boy before him.

Together, they jump out of the cart as it rolls over a loose stone in the road, ducking quickly to the ground and heading towards a series of trees nearby for quick concealment. The escape goes unnoticed by the guards and the cart rattles off into the distance.

“Where to now?” the Ol asks, wincing as he inspects a bruise by his elbow – it must have hit the ground hard when they left the cart.

“We go back to the valley,” Lief says, “Do you know where we are?”

“I am not sure. If we follow the river, we should find a town sooner or later.” He gestures towards a stream just a little further away.

Lief squints at the sky, shielding his face from the afternoon sun. The river sparks in his vision, the light bouncing off the ripples in the waves, exploding in his pupils and blinding him momentarily.

“Okay,” he says, “We follow the river.”

The river is narrow and shallow where they start to track it by the edge of the mountain. There are some silver fish that dart within the gentle ripples, but it is otherwise still and quiet. The Ol walks without speaking, his face set in determination. Lief walks beside him, but feels tension curl under his skin, questions threatening to burst from him. He does not trust the Ol, not yet. There is more to his story than he has revealed.

Lief is so entangled in his own thinking, that he does not notice the sharp decline of the path they traverse, and he slips, pitching forward into empty space. The Ol lets out a strangled cry from behind and a firm hand encircles his wrist. Lief inhales a shuddering breath and looks down into the rapid churning foam of a waterfall, as he dangles precariously suspended above it.

“Do not look down,” the Ol says and Lief turns to look at him instead. His fingers around Lief’s wrist are slipping, his entire body shaking with effort that converges on his face between the grit of his teeth and wrinkle in his brow. It is a shame he cannot transform into a stronger creature to easily bring Lief to safety. Desperation makes him wish for the Ol to return to his true self.

The Ol grunts and exhales through clenched teeth, the water thundering below him, crashing and twisting in a roar of sound. Lief grips his hand tight, and holds the OI’s gaze, unable now to look away. The Ol is scared, Lief can see it in his eyes, his pupils pinpricks in the dim light of the setting sun.

Finally, with a groan, the Ol manages to haul him up and over the ledge. Lief scrambles to find his footing but lurches forward, slipping on the slick ground. The Ol catches him and holds him upright, arms looped around his waist, fingers gripping his shirt.

They are so close together. Lief can see a spattering of freckles across his nose, a small one pressed beside his right eye. He remembers these from before, his face is so familiar. This face is Dain’s. He is trembling, Lief notices, the hands that press his sides are shaking.

The Ol exhales a shaky breath and steps away.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yes,” Lief replies, “I think so.”

He shifts, uneasy.

“Thank you,” Lief says.

Dain grins, a wry smile that does not quite reach his eyes.

“I suppose we are even now.”

They exchange a look. Lief nods, willing to accept what help he can. He thinks that there is more to this than repaying a debt.

“What is your true name?” Lief asks suddenly. It is one of the questions that has been tugging at his mind all day. The Ol blinks in surprise.

“I do not have one.”

“Well, what should I call you?” Lief asks.

The Ol thinks on this for a moment, a frown on his face. After a long pause, he looks up again at Lief.

“I like Dain,” he replies shyly.

Lief offers him a fleeting smile.

“I like Dain too,” he says.

Dain looks away, embarrassed but pleased. Lief can tell by the way he tries to hide his smile, and the slight flush across his pale cheeks. He wonders, briefly, if Ols can experience friendship.

They make camp by the waterfall, underneath the stars that scatter across the sky. One in particular shines brighter than most, twinkling in hues of green and gold. Dain is quiet as they prepare for sleep, but Lief finds that his gaze continues to be drawn towards him. As they lie beside each other, both with arms resting beneath their heads, watching the pale clouds drift across the darkness above, he finally speaks.

“I’m scared,” he says. Lief looks at him, but Dain continues to focus on the sky. “I don’t know what they will do to me when they capture me.”

Lief frowns.

“When?”

Dain grimaces, a twist of his mouth in the moonlight.

“They will. And when they do, it will be worse than death.”

It is the same sentiment the Grey Guards had echoed earlier. Lief rolls onto his side and watches Dain. In the light of the moon he seems so small suddenly, so helpless.

“What is it like there?” Lief asks.

Dain looks at him then. His eyes are drowned in darkness.

“It is the end of all things.”

He turns away, and his eyes close. The waterfall continues to thunder and crash in the darkness, chaotic and infinite.

As they continue along the river path the next morning, Dain notices smoke curling above the trees.

“Houses,” he says, “Perhaps a town. We should head in that direction.”

Lief nods and they pick up their pace, following the river. It flows in the opposite direction to which they travel, bending around the dips and curves of rocks that break the surface. Lief stops for a drink on the way, cupping his hands in the cool liquid and tipping it into his mouth. He fills his hands once more, but something catches his eye. A rock in the river with a small red cross across it. He frowns, letting the water spill from his hands and leans closer, gently picking the rock up between his fingers.

Legs and antenna sprout from the rock. It is a small crab-like creature with large stalk eyes, wriggling its spindly legs in an attempt to move away from him. Suddenly, there is a rumbling sound from behind him, and the riverbed begins to tremble. Dain, who had been across the river filling his waterskin, lets out a shout as the rocks and pebbles in the river begin to crack and fall away. Lief drops the small crab and stumbles backwards as a series of legs pop out from beneath the mud and clay to reveal a giant creature, with multiple eyes that swivel on stalks. Legs of bone curve from beneath it, sharp at the end where they dig into the river. Two antenna, vivid orange, flutter before it in the air. Water streams from its shell, and now Lief can see what he couldn’t before, a large red cross that had been hidden under the silt of the river now shines on its shell in the light of the sun.

It roars, and a series of tiny scurrying creatures, similar to the one Lief had held, pour out from beneath it, slipping and sliding over the mud as they scuttle towards Lief and Dain.

“Run!” Lief shouts, and he turns, making for the hills behind him. As he does so, something sharp pricks at his ankles. One of the creatures has made it to him, tiny fangs piercing his skin. He inhales a sharp breath and shakes his leg, dislodging the creature as he stumbles away. Another bites at his heels and the pain is sharper this time, a white-hot fire that races through his veins. His foot feels numb and suddenly he cannot support it any longer. He grimaces and continues to move as fast as he can, dragging his leg behind him. 

Dain, who has made it to his side of the river, loops an arm underneath Lief’s shoulders, supporting him to escape. One of his hands sits limp by his side, similarly paralysed by one of the crab creatures.

The creatures continue moving towards them, a swarm of scuttling legs.

“Over here,” Dain says, nodding towards a tree, “Climb up. They might not be able to follow.”

Lief, with an uncooperative foot, and Dain with a useless arm, slowly manage to climb up the tree together, helping each other to scale the trunk until they are both settled in the branches. Dain shivers, pressed against him. The pain in Lief’s foot has receded, but it remains immobile.

The creatures scurry around the trunk of the tree, throwing themselves at the base, but their clawed legs slip through the bark and they cannot make their way higher. After a few futile attempts, they move away, disheartened at the loss.

“Are you okay?” Lief asks, breathing hard. He takes Dain’s hand in his own, inspecting the skin. A series of bite marks mar the surface of his wrist. Dain winces.

“I am fine. How long do you think this toxin will last?”

Lief shrugs.

“I am unsure. But as soon as we are safe, we can continue towards the smoke we saw. Maybe they can help us.”

He becomes aware that he is still holding Dain’s hand between his own and he drops it quickly, feeling a dash of heat across his cheeks. It is so easy to forget that Dain is a creature of evil, so easy to mistake the softness of his jaw and the warmth of his skin for something more like himself.

Dain watches him curiously. Lief looks away.

“I think they are gone,” he says. Sure enough, the creatures have made their way back into the river, slinking back to their mother and settling still amongst the pebbles. 

Dain begins to make his way down carefully, Lief supporting him as far as possible, before he drops to the ground. Lief follows, and once they are both on the ground, they continue towards the smoke above the trees.

As the trees ahead clear, they come into a space dotted with small huts. A few figures stand by the edge of the river, water up to their ankles as they cast nets for fish. A lady mending a shirt at a nearby home stands and hurries over to them.

“Are you okay?” she asks, looking over them worriedly, “We heard the Rivercreep roaring. Did they hurt you?”

Dain nods. “They got my hand, and Lief’s leg.”

The lady presses her lips together.

“Come,” she says, leading them gently towards her hut, “We keep some mercy root spare in case one of our hunters accidentally ventures too far. Did you not see the warning?”

“We did not know,” Lief says, grunting in pain as he seats himself in an offered chair.

The lady disappears into her cupboards. Hesitant fingers flutter by Lief’s shoulder momentarily, before Dain’s good hand presses a gentle, reassuring warmth there.

“Lucky we found this place,” he murmurs. Lief hums in agreement, somewhat distracted by Dain’s closeness.

When the lady returns, she holds a jar of yellow paste in her hand.

“This will sting,” she says, before she smears some on Lief’s ankle, on the marks left from the sharp teeth. She turns and does the same to Dain on his wrist. The hot burning pain returns with an intensity that exceeds before, but as it ebbs away, it leaves a tingling sensation in its wake. Lief feels the strength return to his leg, and sees Dain flexing his hand with a smile.

“Thank you,” Lief says, “We are very grateful.”

“We would also be grateful if you could tell us one more thing,” Dain asks, “We are searching for The Valley of the Lost and we are unsure where we are. It would help us if you could point us in the right direction.”

The lady raises an eyebrow.

“I do not know where that is, but it does not sound pleasant. Perhaps you should head to Dredale. If you take the road to the right you will find a cave you can follow through for a shortcut to the town. It is larger than ours, and you are sure to find more information there.”

“Thank you,” Dain says with a sincere smile. He goes to leave but the lady reaches out to stop him.

“You would be best to stay the night,” she warns, “the forest is dangerous in the dark. Rest here and set out in the morning.”

The two of them agree, and the lady, who introduces herself as Bella, helps them set up a space in her hut to rest. Bella is kind and warm, and she soon introduces them to the rest of the villagers and shows them around the river town. They seem to be a friendly people, hardworking and kind-hearted, ready to offer help to strangers in need. Lief helps some of them collect and sort the fish they catch, while Dain gathers some firewood for the central fire.

After a meal of smoked fish, they settle in for the night. Lief lets his hand drift over the belt that sits under his clothes. It brings him comfort to touch the cool gems and clear his mind.

“Is it heavy?” Dain asks. The sound startles Lief, who had assumed the other was asleep.

“No, not as heavy as it seems,” he replies. He moves his hand away, a little self-conscious at the act now he knows he is being watched.

“You still do not trust me, do you?” Dain says. There is a sadness to his words, a tone of resigned bitterness creeping into his voice. Lief does not reply right away, and Dain sighs, recognising the admission.

“I am sorry for lying. Especially to you. But I do not regret it, not all of it anyway. If I had not lied to begin with, I would have never met you. You would have killed me before speaking to me.”

Lief opens his mouth to contradict him, but Dain lets out a laugh, a harsh sound.

“Do not tell me otherwise Lief. Would you have spared the life of an Ol that approached your group in its true form?”

“No,” Lief says, “I would not.”

Dain makes a soft sound.

“I know. I see the way you still look at me sometimes, you feel like you do not know me.” He pauses. Lief can hear him breathing beside him, slow and steady. There is something infinitely human about the sound.

“I am still me,” he says, continuing softer, “I did not lie about that. Not since the beginning. Not since I knew…” He stops, abruptly.

“Knew what?”

“I never knew what it was like to care about people before. I think I never gave myself the chance, but with you, it was different. I found I wanted you to succeed, I wanted you to defeat each new creatures the Shadow Lord sent towards you. At one point, I hoped you would kill me, just so I did not have to do what I was created for. It was cowardly of me.”

Silence falls on them both, a tension of revelation. Lief feels confusion swell inside him. He balls his hands into fists and digs his knuckles into the palm of his hand, feeling them break the surface of his skin.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?”

“I was scared,” Dain says quietly, “I had never been scared before. But now, I feel like I am always scared.”

This boy, _this creature_ , Lief thinks, there is something different about him. He feels some of the tension fade, and his anger and fear become something lighter, the edges blurring, softened by a spike of empathy.

“It is okay to be scared,” Lief says. Dain laughs, but it is gentler now.

“I am learning to be okay with it.”

On instinct, driven by a desire to quell his fears, Lief reaches out and presses Dain’s hand. He hears Dain’s breath catch and his heart stumbles for a moment. He chances a glance towards him. Dain is watching him a small quirk of a smile tugging on his lips. His eyes shine brilliantly in the darkness.

“Thank you,” Dain says, “Thank you for a second chance.”

Bella sends them off the next day with a hearty smile and a pack full of food. They follow her instructions, traversing the road that stretches before them until they reach a cave in the foothills of the mountain. The river is long behind them now, but Lief still feels as though he can hear the gentle sound of lapping water on the shores of his mind.

“It’s dark,” Lief says, stepping carefully into the cavern mouth, “And cold.”

“Unlike other bright and warm caves,” Dain says. Lief lets out a huff of surprised laughter at the quip, not used to humour between them.

“I did not know you could make jokes,” he teases, enjoying the way Dain blushes and ducks his head.

“Of course,” Dain says, “Even evil creatures from the Shadowlands can be humorous.” Lief’s eyebrows rise and Dain looks worried for a second, perhaps concerned he has stepped over the line, but then Lief laughs, a loud and vibrant sound that echoes in the cave, bouncing from one side to the other. Dain grins, sharp teeth and sharp eyes. Contentment shines from him.

They continue into the cave. The walls are covered in a slick slime, a moss that expands across the rock and seeps into the crevasses. A steady drip can be heard from somewhere nondescript, as though the air exudes a persisting dampness that manifests in the sound of water.

“How are you feeling?” Lief asks as he steps onto a slippery ledge. He offers his hand and helps Dain up beside him. He hesitates before speaking his next words, but curiosity overcomes his desire to avoid the topic.

“Have you tried to change forms?” Lief asks.

Dain looks at him and shakes his head. There is an uncertainty in the twitch of his mouth.

“It feels strange,” he says slowly, “I feel trapped in my own skin.”

He creeps along the ledge beside Lief before he steps forward, landing on solid ground again. Lief follows suit.

“I am sorry,” he says.

Dain makes a soft sound of disbelief.

“You are not.”

“I am,” Lief continues, “I imagine it is a terrible feeling.”

“It is,” Dain admits. “Do you remember once how we talked about the feeling of drowning? It is not too unlike that feeling. It is as though my lungs are waterskins, filled with water, but the stopper is stuck, and the water cannot be poured out. It is an unfamiliar pressure.”

They step through a shallow puddle, disturbing the water so that it ripples outwards in chaotic circular motions. There is a series of glowing mushrooms that crowd by one crevice and Lief leans closer, inspecting them.

“Lief,” Dain says sharply, gesturing towards his waist. Lief looks at the belt. His shirt has ridden up over his waist to expose the gems and the ruby has paled, the emerald dull.

There is a sudden sound ahead. Lief and Dain press against the wall, finding a nook between the rock where they can hide. The noise becomes louder, footsteps echoing, people talking. Lief can see them now, a group of bandits wandering through the tunnel ahead. There are four of them, rough looking men with scowls and heavy feet. Lief flattens himself, Dain beside him. He exhales a slow breath as the bandits pass right by their hiding spot in the wall.

“Do you actually know where we are going Sid?” one of them asks, turning to frown at the other.

“Yes, of course. She said follow the cave through, it’s a short cut.”

The bandits came from the opposite direction to where Lief and Dain are travelling, so Lief knows it was not Bella who gave them the hint. It must be well known to those from the surrounding areas as a quick path to the other side. He hopes there are no other dangers moving through the tunnels.

The bandits pass, and Lief feels himself relax slightly, his breathing returning to normal.

“Where do you think they were going?” Dain asks, pulling himself away. He looks towards the now empty space through which they retreated. The sound of their footsteps continue to echo quietly in the distance, becoming increasingly softer.

“I am not sure,” Lief replies, “But I am glad to see them gone. I do not think they would have been friendly had they seen us.”

They set off again, traversing the winding tunnels and slippery rock. At one point, they come across a large chamber inside the rock walls, a glittering cavern of crystal structures that cling to the ceiling. Lief watches the way Dain’s eyes light up, illuminated by the crystals so that they shine brilliantly as he looks upwards in awe. It is unlikely that he has had the chance to truly appreciate small moments like this before. To see him here, mouth curved in a genuine smile, the crystalline light casting a pale blue hue across his face, Lief feels as though he is witnessing something special. He finds that despite the beauty of the glittering cavern around him, he cannot look away from Dain.

It takes them many hours to complete their journey through the cave, but they arrive before nightfall at the intersection they had been promised. A large town, Dredale, stretches to the left where the road leads. The two companions enter and find an inn where they can shelter for the night with the plan to set out early the next morning.

When Lief wakes in the morning, he notices that the bed beside him is empty – Dain is gone. Something akin to panic latches on to his heart and his thoughts fly with images of Dain being captured and dragged back towards the Shadowlands. When he finds Dain downstairs in the inn with a mug of juice and a contented smile, Lief feels the fear drain from him.

“Are you okay?” Dain asks when he notices Lief. Lief flushes, embarrassed that he was momentarily so frightened.

“Of course,” he replies stiffly.

He sits with Dain at the table. Dain looks at him curiously.

He appears more settled than before. There is an element of confidence to him now, in the set of his jaw and the dip of his shoulders. It is as though he belongs here, with Lief, in this moment.

It is a strange thought, and Lief banishes it from his mind as soon as he thinks it.

“We should leave soon,” Lief says.

They buy themselves some horses and a map from a local shopkeeper. The map indicates that it is only a day’s ride from the town and together, they set off, fuelled by hope and determination.

They stop for a break when the sun is at the highest point in the sky. Dain has been quiet since the morning, and when Lief returns from filling his waterskin, Dain stops him with a hand pressed to his arm.

“Lief, I have been thinking,” he says, “I need to leave.”

Lief blinks. An instant war rages inside him, a thousand conflicting emotions, then silence.

“Why?”

Dain laughs, a strangled sound.

“You know why. The others will not accept me kindly.”

“They will understand,” Lief says earnestly. He takes Dain’s hand between his own and clasps it tight. Dain looks at their joined hands. Confusion settles between his eyebrows.

“I do not think it is a good idea,” he says slowly.

Lief frowns. He knows Dain is right, but there is something that weighs on his chest, that relinquishes his wisdom. He realises he does not want Dain to go, he wants Dain to stay with them, to complete this journey together.

Dain slowly steps away, untangling his hands from Lief’s grip.

“Do not forget that I am still an Ol,” he says gently. “I am not human Lief, no matter how easy it is to forget.”

“That does not make a difference,” Lief says fiercely. “You want to make Deltora a better place. That is what matters.”

Dain’s eyes are like the pit of a well, like the whirlpool beneath a waterfall, the expanse of the ocean. Lief feels as though he is falling, drowning in their depths. When Dain touches his arm, it grounds him again and he resurfaces, as though it has inflicted on him a shuddering breath forced into drowned lungs.

“Thank you,” Dain says. There is resignation in his voice, a resolution. “I hope to see you again Lief.

Lief watches in a daze as Dain returns to his horse and, with a final nod, rides off into the distance. There are many unspoken words that shift so fleetingly within his thoughts that Lief cannot make any sense of them. What he understands is that he was not ready for this to be over. What he does not understand completely is why.

Lief continues his journey alone, an ache settling in his heart. This is the second time he has lost Dain and it is as painful as the first. Perhaps more so, as there is no anger in his chest this time. Instead, it is a dull sadness that twists a cold knife between his ribs and whispers ungrateful words in his mind.

It is perhaps due to the distraction of this feeling, that Lief does not notice the dark shape that blots the clouds above. He does not notice it, until the shape lunges towards him with a whirling screech and he looks up to see a horrifying Ak-Baba hurtling towards him. Its mouth is open in a snarl, exposing rows of sharp teeth as its claws stretch forward, deadly talons glinting in the sun.

Lief shouts and rolls to the ground, narrowly avoiding the creature. He can feel the gust of wind as it passes by him, so close he can smell the putrid stench that emanates from it. The Ak-Baba reorients itself, screeching louder, a sound that chills Lief to the bone.

It comes towards him again, but as it does so this time, something barrels into it above. It is a bird, and Lief thinks dully of Kree but as the two creatures come nearer, he instead sees the bird is brown and white, and it larger than Kree, though still far smaller than the Ak-Baba tearing through the clouds towards him.

The bird attacks with intensity, beak pecking the Ak-Baba’s eyes so that it thrashes violently, blindly. It lashes its long neck and smashes into the bird, sending it hurtling backwards. The bird squawks and flies towards it again, narrowly avoiding the sharp teeth. It manages to land a scratch with its talons on the softer snout of the Ak-Baba, which roars furiously.

The bird seems to change tactic then, and instead of flying towards the Ak-Baba, comes towards Lief. Lief attempts to dodge out of the way, but the bird is more agile than the Ak-Baba and its talons curl around Lief’s arm, gripping him tight, before it flies upwards, taking Lief with it.

The Ak-Baba writhes in the sky, half blinded and full of rage. It careers towards them, but the bird that holds Lief is quick, ducking in and out of the forest canopy, weaving a difficult trail to follow. Soon, the Ak-Baba is just a dark speck on the horizon, confused and lost far behind.

The bird flies them for a short while before swooping down into the canopy again, and then landing roughly on the ground. Lief scrabbles to his feet, ready to fight if he needs, but as he looks up, the bird has disappeared. Instead, Dain stands before him, a nasty cut across his nose, one eye swollen.

“You left,” Lief says.

Dain offers a wry smile and a shrug.

“I found that I couldn’t.”

They stand there for a moment, a few feet apart, and then Lief stumbles forward, pulling Dain into a hug. Dain tenses before hesitant hands touch Lief’s shoulders, returning the gesture.

“I am glad you came back,” Lief says, his voice muffled by Dain’s shoulder.

He pulls away and looks at Dain.

“And I am sorry you were hurt,” he says, concern flaring as he inspects Dain’s face. He reaches a hand upwards, touching gently against his cheek. Dain looks away, a flush across his skin.

“It is nothing. I will heal.”

Lief draws back with a smile.

“You can transform,” he says.

Dain nods, eyes lighting with a mischievous joy. He is himself again and Lief is glad to see it.

“Where have you taken us?” Lief asks

Dain looks around them, squinting against the sunlight. The trees reach tall but there are still spaces between their leaves from which the sun passes through.

“We should be in the valley. It will not be far to reach the group.”

Lief realises then that Dain has taken them to the place where they were kidnapped by the guards, the clearing near the camp. Perhaps it is symbolic, or perhaps it is just pure chance.

“Lief,” Dain says, a hesitancy to his words, “I have not told you the whole truth.”

Dain clasps his hands together and his fingers twitch involuntarily with nervousness.

“Well, tell it” Lief says and waits patiently.

Dain sighs and looks away. His eyes flick back and forth, distracted by his own thoughts, processing and sorting them.

“I have not lied about why I betrayed the Shadow Lord but there is something more to it. I found that you showed me hope yes, and that I grew to care for your group and your cause, but there is more.” He falters and blinks rapidly, steeling himself.

“I also realised that I had fallen in love,” Dain says. The words are so quiet, that Lief is almost unsure at first if he had even spoken them. But then realisation thuds into his chest and he swallows. It is true then, he thinks, Dain loves Jasmine. Jealousy swells for a moment, but he represses it.

“I see,” Lief says. The words leave his mouth curter than he expects and he notices Dain flinch.

“It is not something that we – Ol’s – should be capable of and yet, I knew what it was, as soon as I felt it. We are creatures of hate, but I realised I could feel so much more than that.”

Lief nods.

“I know Jasmine did care about you too, perhaps if you show her that you have changed-”

“Jasmine?”

“Yes. Is she not the one you love?”

Dain lets out a laugh of disbelief. He smooths a hand across his forehead and glances at Lief.

“No Lief, I mean – I am talking about you.”

Lief’s heart stutters and he fumbles for understanding. The gentle touches, the quiet looks, the shared smiles – he sees it now of course, it is always easier in retrospect. He exhales slowly as his mind settles into something more sure, more certain.

Dain watches him with uncertainty flashing across his features. Fear and pain and embarrassment all converge in one. Lief is unsure how to put his thoughts into words still, but he knows that perhaps one day they will come to him. Perhaps one day he can be as brave and clever as Dain.

He reaches over and takes Dain’s hand. There is a coolness to his palm, perhaps a residual effect of what he is, or perhaps it is nothing more than a difference in temperature. He presses the hand, fingers slipping into the space between knuckles. 

“When I return, will you come with me?” Lief asks. It is an acceptance, an admission of sorts.

He looks at Dain and Dain looks back at him. His eyes are bright, gleaming in the light of the sun that filters through the trees. They remind Lief of the glittering lake they followed on their journey, the way the light reflected off the ripples on the surface. It had blinded him then, the reflection of the sun. In a similar way, watching Dain now, he feels as though he is blinded again. The sun reflects on his soul.

Dain smiles and it is beautiful.

_I will_

**Author's Note:**

> i've recently been re-reading deltora quest and i am so in love with it all!


End file.
